Saturday
Jun262010
Breastfeeding is Overrated (more "Out the Window"): Part I
Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 8:17AM
For the record, folks, breastfeeding is not all it's cracked up to be. And, if you breastfed before, you'll recognize the pun in "cracked."
I had all the best intentions beforehand to breastfeed for at least the first three months. The American Pediatrics People recommend, I believe, a full year, but I knew that was WAY pushing it for me. Three months was just great as far as I was concerned.
Shortly after giving birth, we tried breastfeeding. My doula was there to help, baby girl latched on and we were off! The hospital's lactation consultant didn't come visit until the following day, and by then I had cracked and bleed in small spots on both nipples. Awesome. And you know what? Those don't heal, people! No! Not when you've got a little mouth sucking on them about 10 times a day! The best you can hope for is that it scabs over, the scab falls off and then it scabs over and the process repeats, presumably until you stop breastfeeding. Fun, huh?
When the lactation consultant came, she did everything so quickly and spoke so fast and I was so tired and drugged up (Percocet, folks, for dealing with the tearing, the stitches and the cramping) that it was hard to remember everything later. Or, really, it was hard to recreate it later only being shown once and made to practice once. She also warned us about "cluster feeding" where the itty bitty baby has a massive monster appetite usually around 24 hours of age and then around 48 hours.
So that happened. Somewhere around 9:30pm she started feeding. And kept feeding. About every 30 minutes until almost 1:00am. I was a mess. I couldn't sleep. I had a horrible feeling it was due to my crappy breastfeeding-latching techniques. She just kept crying and feeding. I wanted help. And I felt like the shittiest mom.
I buzzed the night nurse. She sent in a nursery person who said that the breastfeeding technique seemed fine. I recalled a nurse telling us earlier that the nursery could take the baby at any point if we needed a break. Through guilt-ridden overtired tears, I asked about them taking her for a while. I asked my husband if he would mind. His response was whatever I needed. Good answer. So, I told them to take her and bring her back when it was time for her next feeding. I bawled. I felt awful. Part of our birth plan was no separation - she was to be with us at all times. But no one really prepares you (how CAN you be prepared?) for the hormones and the exhaustion and the newness and you (well, I did) just start to think that you'll go crazy if you don't get a break.
They brought her back after three hours (with another one of those dumbass bows on her head). Which was so nice. Just to get some semblance of sleep.
Cut to the following three weeks of breastfeeding. I'd heard, "You just have to get past the first two weeks! It's kind of painful for that time and then it gets SO much easier" a lot.
Well, two weeks came and went and nothing was getting "so much easier." None of it was awesome. At best it was uncomfortable and at worst it was painful. Apparently, there is a hormone that's released during breastfeeding that makes you all happy and in love with your baby and makes you want to pick dandelions and skip through fields of flowers. Well, I don't think MY version of this hormone had the best timing because I didn't feel like that until AFTER we were done feeding.
Right after feeding I felt great. I had at least two hours until I had to do it again. Three if I was really lucky. And, as the next feeding approached, I'd start to get anxious. I didn't want it to come. I was afraid I was latching her wrong. Actually, I KNEW I was. Her lips were flanged like they were supposed to. And my nipple wasn't shaped like it was supposed to be when she was done.
But, I would get so frustrated by getting her on and peeling her off again, trying to get her hands out of the way - trying more desperately to keep them from GRABBING my nipples - dreading the first few moments of feeding that felt like I was being stabbed by needles, that I'd just let her keep the not-so-great latch. I just wanted to get it over with - the painful first moments, the pinching, the worry. Clearly she was getting enough food. She had a bazillion poopy diapers a day and, according to the pediatrician, she was gaining weight like a champ.
Most things I've read say to go a minimum of three weeks before introducing a bottle. And I did. The night she hit three weeks, we gave her her first bottle. And THANK GOD we did because it was NOT a good situation - something we would discover AFTER introducing a bottle.
Read Part II
I had all the best intentions beforehand to breastfeed for at least the first three months. The American Pediatrics People recommend, I believe, a full year, but I knew that was WAY pushing it for me. Three months was just great as far as I was concerned.
Shortly after giving birth, we tried breastfeeding. My doula was there to help, baby girl latched on and we were off! The hospital's lactation consultant didn't come visit until the following day, and by then I had cracked and bleed in small spots on both nipples. Awesome. And you know what? Those don't heal, people! No! Not when you've got a little mouth sucking on them about 10 times a day! The best you can hope for is that it scabs over, the scab falls off and then it scabs over and the process repeats, presumably until you stop breastfeeding. Fun, huh?
When the lactation consultant came, she did everything so quickly and spoke so fast and I was so tired and drugged up (Percocet, folks, for dealing with the tearing, the stitches and the cramping) that it was hard to remember everything later. Or, really, it was hard to recreate it later only being shown once and made to practice once. She also warned us about "cluster feeding" where the itty bitty baby has a massive monster appetite usually around 24 hours of age and then around 48 hours.
So that happened. Somewhere around 9:30pm she started feeding. And kept feeding. About every 30 minutes until almost 1:00am. I was a mess. I couldn't sleep. I had a horrible feeling it was due to my crappy breastfeeding-latching techniques. She just kept crying and feeding. I wanted help. And I felt like the shittiest mom.
I buzzed the night nurse. She sent in a nursery person who said that the breastfeeding technique seemed fine. I recalled a nurse telling us earlier that the nursery could take the baby at any point if we needed a break. Through guilt-ridden overtired tears, I asked about them taking her for a while. I asked my husband if he would mind. His response was whatever I needed. Good answer. So, I told them to take her and bring her back when it was time for her next feeding. I bawled. I felt awful. Part of our birth plan was no separation - she was to be with us at all times. But no one really prepares you (how CAN you be prepared?) for the hormones and the exhaustion and the newness and you (well, I did) just start to think that you'll go crazy if you don't get a break.
They brought her back after three hours (with another one of those dumbass bows on her head). Which was so nice. Just to get some semblance of sleep.
Cut to the following three weeks of breastfeeding. I'd heard, "You just have to get past the first two weeks! It's kind of painful for that time and then it gets SO much easier" a lot.
Well, two weeks came and went and nothing was getting "so much easier." None of it was awesome. At best it was uncomfortable and at worst it was painful. Apparently, there is a hormone that's released during breastfeeding that makes you all happy and in love with your baby and makes you want to pick dandelions and skip through fields of flowers. Well, I don't think MY version of this hormone had the best timing because I didn't feel like that until AFTER we were done feeding.
Right after feeding I felt great. I had at least two hours until I had to do it again. Three if I was really lucky. And, as the next feeding approached, I'd start to get anxious. I didn't want it to come. I was afraid I was latching her wrong. Actually, I KNEW I was. Her lips were flanged like they were supposed to. And my nipple wasn't shaped like it was supposed to be when she was done.
But, I would get so frustrated by getting her on and peeling her off again, trying to get her hands out of the way - trying more desperately to keep them from GRABBING my nipples - dreading the first few moments of feeding that felt like I was being stabbed by needles, that I'd just let her keep the not-so-great latch. I just wanted to get it over with - the painful first moments, the pinching, the worry. Clearly she was getting enough food. She had a bazillion poopy diapers a day and, according to the pediatrician, she was gaining weight like a champ.
Most things I've read say to go a minimum of three weeks before introducing a bottle. And I did. The night she hit three weeks, we gave her her first bottle. And THANK GOD we did because it was NOT a good situation - something we would discover AFTER introducing a bottle.
Read Part II
Copyright; 2011, Blahggy. All rights reserved.
Reader Comments (23)
OH I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! I had SUCH a difficult time with breastfeeding. To be honest, the first 6.5 weeks were HELL for me. PURE HELL. I was in so much pain. My nipples are rather petite and Soleil's latch appeared fine, but didn't FEEL fine!!! The help of my doula and a local Mom and Babe centre was invaluable to me. I powered through because to me I was committed to breastfeeding for 2 years. It took a lot of support, mental ninja moves and patience and waiting and I swear we reached this magical phase where suddenly her mouth grew, our timing perfected and suddenly it was AMAZING. There were weeks and weeks I'd just sit there and cry through feeds, biting my knuckles. Phone my doula - yet again - and ask her to come help me once more.
I totally encourage doing whatever works for you and your babe. I just want to tell you my tale that I have continually marveled at how I powered through the beginning horrors because breastfeeding is something I grew to cherish. And, forgive me if that makes you want to slap me. I used to get SO ANGRY when people told me how glorious breastfeeding was for them. But, if I can provide any hope I will.
It became the ultimate satisfaction for us both to be able to soothe and nourish her anywhere, anytime armed with only my boobs. The bonding experience it became (finally) is irreplaceable). She is now 15 months and we are slowing working on weaning. By 3 or 4 months I was so happy to have times during the day where I could just sit and cuddle her (or gap out peacefully) because she became such a busy girl.
No matter what you decide to do, your Sailor is so lucky to have had the amazing nutrients, antibodies and calories that only your body can provide. WAY TO GO!!!
try all that with thrush (a yeast infection of her mouth and my ninpples)... it causes pain in my entire breast during feeding and again while the milk is coming back in, and my nipples are constantly cracked and bleeding... i'm using the medicine i'm supposed to, she's latching properly, and keeping my nipples clean... still i have that feeling of dread the moment before a feed, and fighting to keep her grabby fingers away from my nipples while starting to feed, the first few sucks are her ripping open any healing that had taken place (counting to 10 sometimes 20 just to get through that), then it feels alright, and then she falls asleep with her deadly suck that i could probably stand up and she would hang on by just her mouth that i have to somehow get my finger in there to seperate her from me.
It's been almost 8 weeks of pain now, and everytime i feed her i swear it's the last time, but i know it's good for her, and i'm afraid of the engorgement of weaning!!
Kudos to you for sticking to it as long as you did, trust me i know how tempting that can of formula is... and it's not like it's poison or anything, i don't know why i have such a hard time giving up, i guess it's because with my son i did have that wonderful, beautiful nursing experience, so i'm hoping on day i'll wake up and it will be like that with her too........ not likely.
in the end as long as we're feeding our babies i don't think it really matters what form it comes in, other than the impact it will have on my bank acount!
I've been told it takes 6 weeks for your breasts to toughen up properly.
Ohhh, hun, I'm so sorry it was so hard for you. You know I know how that feels (although I did have that "picking dandelions and skipping thru fields" feeling every time I breastfed and it was amazing - I miss it). I still cry every time I watch some baby show on TLC or Discovery and the mom breastfeeds for the first time. I hate bottle feeding... but let me not get on a "wah me" thing.
Once again, as always, seriously can't wait for the next installment.
Well, I feel your pain. Or did. For me, it just wasn't easy from the start. I lasted about four months and then switched to formula. Lifesaver is all I can say. Luckily my son was much happier with the bottle. I think I just wasn't producing enough and he was hungry. Having the alternative saved my sanity. It was very difficult emotionally for me to switch. I felt like I was a bad mom. But my son is almost a year and he's a happy, well-adjusted, energetic little guy. Oh, and as far as engorgement goes, I never had that. I think because I was supplementing early on, my milk just got reduced over time. Good luck with WHATEVER you do. An unhappy mom is not a good thing for all involved.
I am so looking forward to breastfeeding--it's one of the only things I'm sure I want to do when it comes to baby--but I'm terrified of having a similar experience as you described here. Breastfeeding is already stressing me out. I just want it to work! And damn you and these cliffhangers...
It's definitely not for everyone. It's painful, and times seems inconvenient and it can make you feel chained to baby. For some it's worth it, for others it breeds resentment.
I think as long as you are feeding the baby, it doesn't really matter how you do it :)
It took a long time for the breastfeeding not to hurt and my daughter latched like a champ. I don't believe that whole "if your latching right it doesn't hurt" crap. If someone is sucking on your nipples every two hours every freakin' day, there is going to be discomfort. Also, I think a lot of the drugs they give have a negative effect on getting that hearts and unicorns and sparkle charms feeling going. And then there is the extreme exhaustion and the pain from childbirth and the newness of it all. It is hard.
Breastfeeding is wicked hard. At least for me, it is. It is hard work. I can't believe I lasted this long (21 months and counting).
Also, sometimes there just are medical reasons why it just isn't going to work. The most important thing is to figure out what is going to work for you to bond with your baby. Your the mama, it's your decision and nobody else's opinion really matters at this point. :)
I have bestowed a fantastic award upon you, you fabulous new mother!!!
http://www.chasingtwinsinlouboutins.com/2010/06/and-award-goes-to.html
I love how detailed you are about your stories about being a new mom! As you know I'm childless but I plan one day to have my own, so these stories are the best to hear. To hear and learn. :)
That's awesome that you have mental ninja moves like that. Me, not so much, not for breastfeeding. But I love your story and I'm so glad that you got to a point that was magical for you! I hope other people read these comments because everyone is presenting a true story that will resonate. Thank you! And congrats!
Ugh, I'm sorry you're having so much pain! Obviously, do what's right for you. I hope, though, that my breastfeeding story (including part II when I get it out) will provide a different perspective on bottle feeding. I'm currently pumping bottles and mixing with the occasional formula bottle and I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER. And so is my child and my husband! I feel you.
Yes, that's what the breastfeeding people say. I was just going off of what a few of my friends said.
I'm sorry you hate bottle feeding! Maybe my next installment will help make you feel a little better about it.
Amen to saving of the sanity! I'm going to address pretty much everything you brought up in part II. It sucks that we feel like bad moms because we want to be happier. Crazy. Thank you for sharing.
Good. I've totally scared the crap out of you about labor and now I've got you worrying about breastfeeding. I'm like the "bad influence friend."
I love your line, "For some it's worth it, for others it breeds resentment." Couldn't be truer.
Woot! Woot! Gotta get on that....
And by detailed we mean "long"!! Haha. I love that you love them! Yes, no need to rush the having of the babies.
Liza, way to go and all the previous comments from moms. I had lots of problems with my first daughter/baby (won't detail here, but lasted a good 5 weeks), but persevered since i had an older sister to live up to. she nursed them till they could eat steak, just kidding... anyway. i was a big La leche League attender/member and eventual leader of a group. i wasn't a breastfeeding nazi, but truly loved it once we clicked. Women have many more problems and distractions to deal with today than 100 years ago. we don't have experienced aunties or moms or sisters or grandmoms living in our home or on our farm or down the street that have nursed and come help us nurse and get it right. some of us have had enhancements or reductions and that can affect breastfeeding. it can still work, just may present with a challenge. we are bombarded by formula and bottles and pacifier advertisements, that did not exist then. and of course we see the serene pictures of the new mom in her white night dress with the wind gently blowing the curtains and a happy calm nursing baby. as a former 10 year La Leche League leader and IBCLC, international board certified lactation consultant, please seek out mom to mom meetings regarding breastfeeding, while pregnant, and during breastfeeding. pay the money and have a home visit or two or three or go into the lactation center at the hospital of free standing place. Yes, breast milk is best, but mom has to be happy too. You can also rent a hospital grade electric breast pump (Medela) that is gentle and efficient.
One thing that bugged me as a IBCLC is moms wouldn't pay for a home visit ($60) for an hour or more of my time. yet, you know if you had a backed up toilet, you'd pay a plumber to come fix and pay in excess of $100! ok, off the soap box now. If you live in the middle tn area, i can refer you to very caring women to help you with breastfeeding. it should be skipping through the dandelions wonderful for everyone. if it hurts, something is wrong...
one more thing, new moms do need to dedicate a good 4-6 weeks to baby before going to exercise class or leaving baby with gmom. BECAUSE, YOUR body needs to heal TOO! I know our minds say we are fine and we feel fine (except maybe for sleep dep) All that can add to being stressed out breastfeeders.
Ok and also not all pediatricians are breastfeeding knowledgeable or breastfeeding friendly. So that is something that helps, if they are supportive and or can direct you to someone to help you without saying, "you can always use formula, it's just as good." so, backing off the soap box now...
i can also refer you to breastfeeding friendly and knowledgeable docs in middle tn if you live here and are interested.
if i could do one more thing in the world before i died, it would be to breastfeed. i loved it that much after the scabs had healed and no more nipple blisters etc.
The excruciating pain of breastfeeding is one of the 'dark little secrets' of motherhood. (There are more, I'm sorry to say, Liza) It was SOOOO HARD with Alwyn, my first, but I had a helpful friend who was also a midwife and she was a lifesaver. It wasn't nearly as difficult (or painful) with the next two. In the end, the convenience of breastfeeding was worth it to me. Good luck, my friend.
[...] Breastfeeding is Overrated: Part I Breastfeeding is Overrated: Part II [...]
[...] We turn on our favorite lullaby CD, Rockabye Baby, The Beatles one, and settle in on our Storkcraft Hoop Glider with a First Years Breastflow Bottle (slow flow nipple) of Enfamil Formula for Gas & Fussiness (which is what we use for night feedings after I stopped breastfeeding.) [...]