Old enough to double-fist it.
Today I took Sailor to this divine little place that just opened up not a mile from me. It's a play place where it's Open Play from 9-5 every day. For just $7 you can plop yourself on one of their comfy couches or chairs and take advantage of their free WiFi while your little one runs around playing dress up, building cities, serving tea or, in the case of Sailor, shoving random items into her mouth while she and I get simultaneously judged by other parents for said act. LIKE YOUR 13 MONTH OLD DIDN'T SHOVE CRAP IN HER MOUTH.
They have a fenced-off area designated for kids under two, so that's where we headed first. A few minutes after we arrived another lady came in with what appeared to be twins - one boy and one girl both with eyes that are so goregous that it hurts becuause you just KNOW they'd end up on the cover of a magazine before your baby would. HOWEVER, you baby has adorable curly hair that knocks the socks off their straight boring hair. *smiles a wide-eyed innocent smile*
From the get go it's obvious that Sailor's older. These kids are smaller and clearly not as developed. Oh, they're cruising around in their way, playing with toys, but Sailor could DOMINATE in a walk-off. Mainly because the kids can't walk. Haha. Suckers.
I watch them for a few minutes, my brain skimming Sailor's development over the past year (since that's all I know) and I come up with a guestimate that these jewel-eyed twins are likely around 10 months.
Now, I like to be right. So, to confirm my guess is pretty much dead-on, I ask the mom, "How old are they?"
And she says, "Thirteen months."
And I think FOR SURE I heard this lady wrong. That or her way of counting months is a little off from the traditional way. And I'm pretty sure I stumble when I say, "Oh, REALLY?" trying so hard to not have it come out like, "Oh, wow, because my kid is the same age and she's practically stepping over them to get to toys."
So, as is the thing to do, she asks how old Sailor is. Because I don't want her to feel that her children are as inferior as I can tell they are, I say, "Thirteen and a HALF months," like that fucking half a month makes up for the fact that Sailor could cook a steak if handed a steak while these kids would just drool on it.
And then I ask if they're twins, all the while my brain going, "OF COURSE they're twins you idiot, no one person has two kids that are two months apart." She confirms, says they look nothing alike and pauses...and then says she had them at 29 weeks.
AH HA! So, BASICALLY, these kids are 11 weeks younger than Sailor, which explains EVERYTHING. TECHNICALLY, Sailor was born on June 2nd and these kids were born on June 8th. Except Sailor was full-term and these kids weren't. And the funny is that just two years down the road, those 11 weeks that Sailor spent inside the womb that these kids didn't won't mean crap all. But now? The difference is HUGE! It was so crazy to see what a few extra weeks on the inside mean for kids on the outside. It was wild.
And it's kind of bizarre to think about at this stage. Again, a few years from now, especially a few decades from now, no one'll know and no one'll care. But you almost HAD to think of their birthday as 11 weeks later in order for, well, THEM to make sense.
All that being said, it's okay if we don't run into them again. Every time Sailor went to play with them the mom moved them. And if they came to play with Sailor and tried to get a toy, the mom would make sure the toy stayed with Sailor and would remove her kids. I told her Sailor has no experience with kids taking toys from her, so it'd probably be good, but she just smiled and moved away. AND NO, Sailor is not sick - no coughing, no runny nose. It must be that dammed shoving things in her mouth.